“It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding.” — Kahlil Gibran A GIFT CARD fell out of the envelope. Through eyes blurred with tears I realized that there were two of them, both from my local market. Our Christmas of 2006 was like no other. My children and I were truly blessed with the spirit of giving. Only eleven months had passed since my life had crumbled around me, when my husband had announced that he was leaving our marriage, without explanation, without delay. He left me with two children to feed, bills to pay, no job and no child support. My son’s autism severely limited my job options. I was in shock. He had adopted my children as his very own, just eight months before he left us. What was he thinking? Had he gone mad? How would we survive? I scrambled to get food stamps and stood in line for government food. There was no room for pride. After two months, child support was finally enforced, but with that came attorney fees and more bills. I felt like I was drowning in legal documents and overdue statements. I was launched into full survival mode. I was frantic, constantly moving, thinking, doing, keeping all the dishes spinning in the air, afraid to stop, afraid one might fall and break, afraid that I might break. I couldn’t afford to even think about it. I just kept moving. Our divorce was final by summer. That autumn, I learned through legal documents that my ex-husband had remarried immediately after our divorce. He had moved on to a new wife, a new life, and he had left us in the dust. I was no longer in shock, but still digging out from the wreckage he had left behind, and Christmas was upon us. How was I going to conjure up a holiday for my children when we were barely making it through each day? My son’s therapist arrived for his usual session one afternoon and explained that his church chose a needy family to donate to each Christmas. He had been providing him occupational therapy for years, had not only become a good friend, but was lovingly considered extended family. He very kindly insisted “you are in need” and said he would ask them to select my family this year. He continued to explain that they not only provided gifts, but also a holiday turkey dinner, with all the trimmings. I was overwhelmed by the kindness of this heartfelt gesture as a feeling of gratitude surged through my body. Instantaneously, I struggled with pangs of guilt, the ultimate acknowledgement that we were, in fact, a truly needy family. If we were to receive this gift, would it declare that I had failed as a provider for my children? We could certainly use the food. I was always trying to get to the next step, through the next day, the next week. I thought of the children. Once more, there was no room for pride. So I accepted his offer with gratitude beyond my expressive abilities. He asked me what toys the children might like, what their sizes were and what they needed. I managed to get a tree that year, and buy a few small gifts for my children. The week before Christmas, the therapist called to say he wanted to drop off the gifts and the turkey dinner. When he arrived, the large box he carried was brimming with food, including a homemade pie ready to bake in the oven! He returned to his car to gather up the finely wrapped bags and boxes, all tied in ribbons and bows. It was all so humbling. I reached out to him with a grateful hug. After he left, my daughter and I stood amongst the bundles we had received. We were surrounded by an abundance of gifts, of food, of love. We were bathed in love for community, for humanity, for each other. That Christmas would not have been possible without the kindness of my son’s therapist and his church. The life lesson of giving, without conditions, would not have been experienced and witnessed by my daughter. This year, I look back at what I’ve been through, and I see where I stand today. I can now give the two gift cards from the market to the next special family who are selected by the church this holiday season. I hope they experience the love and compassion that I felt that Christmas when the gifts were given to me. I understand now that in giving, I have truly received, and for that I am forever grateful. Note From The Author This story speaks volumes of the kindness of someone who went beyond his relationship as a therapist and recognized a family in need, a family stranded in circumstance and limited by choices impacted by autism. He rallied community members, complete strangers, but all willing to give without condition to help another human being in need. These are the ones who lead by example. These are the ones who show us the true meaning of giving. This article was originally published in Cape Women online magazine holiday issue in 2008. http://www.capewomenonline.net/
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