While recently clearing the basement clutter and sorting through boxes of papers, I came across an old journal page of mine dated January 8, 2011. I was sucked into reading this entry:
"Feeling like Moses in the desert, at that point again, everything is coming at me. I have two choices: crumble and die or transform. The opposition of everyone, everything...the feeling of being alone...the reality of being alone. My choices are slim in quantity, but immense in action. The ripple effect of each choice will be huge. I am exhausted. I need to regroup, take a general consensus and reevaluate to arrive at the ultimate choice. Which will it be? Will I choose it or will it choose me?" Too often we let the chaos around us choose our direction, setting us on a path that is not ours to travel. We live in a world driven by the road of least resistance, instant gratification, making choices that are less challenging, safe, but now our own. I say, step up to the plate and take a swing. What do you have to lose? Everything, if you don't try. You risk losing your hope, your dreams, and your vision of what is possible and what you know to be true in every cell of your being. You compromise your authenticity. Your truth and your purpose get lost in the chaos of the expectations of the masses. When you have a child with autism, each step forward is a choice. You change and tailor it to the needs of your child as they grow and change, as things around them change. Life with autism, it's an ongoing decision, a never-ending chain of uncertain choices. And so it continues the life changing choices of all the tomorrows that beg the question "Which will it be? Will I choose it or will it choose me?"
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